Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Where is my mind?

I am losing my mind. or rather control of it.
Every day a slew of emotions and ideas run through it. For a while I feel ok about doing what I do and I think I am doing ok but then it shifts to a mild panic where I think that what I am doing is crap and that I am wasting my life. Dreams and Reality are at war, there is no middle ground. It tells me to pack up and move to the islands and start sailing/working one minute and then, in the next, it tells me to get back to the engineering world and get a house and a life. Throw away everything that you don't need to survive and go explore, no wait, go get more things for you will feel happy with them. Yes, No. Do, Dont. Go, Stay. Start, Stop. Fight, Relax.

It is maddening.

Meanwhile it is mid February and I am 27 1/2 years old with little to show for all that time. And time keeps on ticking by.