Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Soap

Dear leftover bar of soap,
Fuck Off! I hate your maker's business model. From the minute you entered my apartment I had a feeling that you sucked. Your consistent white color, the ergonomic curves, the lame ass scent that you think other human beings would want to smell. I hope you disappear but that shouldn't take too long considering the rate of decay you have. You manage to turn from a waxy solid substance into cake icing in the 2 minutes it takes for the water to get warm. I don't appreciate lathering up in paste, make up your mind, be either a solid or a liquid but don't try to be the other when you clearly are not. You also seem to be happy with leaving me covered with a film that is comparable to sunscreen. I am sure my coworkers appreciate me coming in as if I had been at the beach. I think you were also designed for hairless organisms because any type of hair will become embedded within the central core. I HATE YOU!!

2 comments:

  1. Dude, castille soap all the way!

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  2. I know! that stuff rocks but it is still soap. This bar came from a guest who was living in my living room for a few weeks. If there was a way to remove the soap from the grey water I would be happy, I know it is possible to precipitate it out but the chemicals required to do that would make filtering worse. Yesterday I showered with baking soda to see if it would work and it does.

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